theschizoidman: (Default)
[Ace thinks as xe traces patterns on the wallpaper with a pencil.] I do a lot of different work. Depends on the kind of work, though. Like, I deal with the visions an' read the cards cos I have to. I try to have a proper job, but it's hard fer me. I can't always do that. 'm not well, not fer work.

But I'm not meant to be here anyway. I'm not really human. I'm one of the Angels, that's what they told me, and I've been dreaming about it since I was a small lad. All eyes and sevens and swords of light. Weird shit like that.

[Xe pauses, glancing at the word marked on xyr arm. It's in a language only xe can read.] Doctor thinks I'm mad. Says I can't be an Angel of Death cos I'm human. But he don't know shit about me. Cos I just. I blew me mind away, and that's when I broke myself.

Everything broke, spirals an' ev'rything. So much light and pain. I saw G-d. I saw my true self. I lay there, floating on the clouds. All them Angels singing all round me. [Xe smiles at the memory, and a sweeping peace floods xyr body.] I saw the face of G-d. I heard the voice of G-d. I was lifted up to the Heavens. I was stripped of my mortal body an' shown my true form. I ain't never seen anything more magnificent than that in me whole life. I can still remember the singing, an' the power I felt at knowing what I was, an' why I'd always felt so out of place down there on Earth. Finally, I felt like I belonged.

I'm a shapeshifter. I'm an Archangel. I have to do my work. I can't stop myself. I feel the souls of the dying an' I am drawn to them like moths to a flame. It's compassion, mostly. I appear how they think I should appear to them, whether I stand at the foot with my sword and gall, or sit quietly beside them, or come striding in like a Grim Reaper, a skeletal gothic vision come to sever them from their mortal existence. Whatever they think I am, that's what I am.

I come to them and help them transition. Sometimes, we don't speak. Sometimes, it's enough that I'm there. I can see the relief on their faces as they know it's time, and they'll be at peace soon. But I've also seen people who don't want to go. I try to comfort them as best I can, but if it's their time, that's it. There's nothing I can do about that. I tell them I'm sorry and let them go, hoping they'll find their peace.

It's hard, though. It's so hard. You'd think there wouldn't be much difference between doing my work as an Archangel and doing my work confined to this human body. But I feel different emotions now. I know some of these people. I've spent time with them in hospital, talking to them. I've heard their stories. When I come for them, they give me this look of great sorrow, that I should be the one to take them to Heaven. I whisper my apologies and free the soul. Sometimes I cry. I cried for Archie, and for Rosemary. They were better to me than I deserved.

I cannot work as far as I would like either. I am confined to this place, this physical reality, where I am often bound with my Name to limit my power. I must do it so the body does not grow weak. The mind of this body struggles to cope with the power of an Archangel. I try my best, I try so hard to cope with all this, but all that happens is I get taken to hospital with a broken mind. Psychosis, that doctor calls it. He tries to make me better, but I don't think my condition is something that can be made better, or cured. I don't think it works that way, not until this body dies and I can ascend to Heaven again. Those bloody pills hurt my brain, but what can I do? I'm stuck in this system an' I can't get out.

[Ace shrugs and steps back, scuffing a shoe against the floor. After a moment's hesitation, xe copies the word on xyr arm onto the wall in a florid and artistic manner, murmuring each letter as xe draws it. It is complemented by an eye, the word curling around it.]

They used to try an' stop me, y'know. I'd wander off to those who were dying, an' sit with them, to release 'em. An' they'd tell me off, that I shouldn't be there because I'm upsetting the patients, but you can't stop G-d's work. I don't really have any choice in the matter. I might have a human body right now, but that doesn't give me free will. I am Azrael an' nothing more, an' I do G-d's bidding.

[[OOC: This is what happens when my character goes from just being queer and mentally ill to being queer and a goddamn Archangel otherkin and demands a redrawing of xyr character. Thanks, Ace. Much appreciated. -_- BRB rewriting all my character notes omg. D:]]

Muse: Ace Kefford
Fandom: The Move RPF AU
Word Count: 844
Disclaimer: Complete work of fiction.
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theschizoidman: (Default)
Archangel Azriel // Ace Kefford

March 2014

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