theschizoidman: (Default)
[With deliberate force, xe scribbles over several figures drawn on a notepad, attempting to erase them from existence with a swift, barely audible spell.]

'Better off dead', that's what the voices sometimes say. I can hear 'em, all yelling in me 'ead, telling me I'm worthless. Sometimes, I can ignore 'em, and they don't worry me. But then I get vulnerable, and all I hear is their voices, and they're reminding me I was cast down from Gan Eden, a Fallen Angel, punished for turning away from Ha-Shem.

[Xe curls up, as if admonished, and covers xyr head with xyr hands. Xe can be heard murmuring prayers to the Heavens for a moment. Xe turns xyr attention back to the notepad and stabs it with a pen before discarding it, tossing both away as if they were now worthless.]

I never know how to fight that. How do you fight that? Because it's true, I did Fall. So what if everything else they say is true? Am I really worthless? Would anyone miss me if I killed myself? I often wondered if I could even die. Archangels can't die, not in the same way. So I did try once, twice, I can't even remember now. Tried to kill myself to see if I could die. To experience what Death is like as a human being. But Lucifer was always there to push me back. Rafa'el chided me and sent me back. So I returned to this madness and the never-ending noise in my head. Maybe I would be better off dead after all.

[Xe sighs, glancing over at the discarded notepad.] Dunno why I thought that would work. That bloody spell never bloody works. Nothing makes 'em go away, not fer good. They're always there, no matter how well I think I am. I feel like I'm possessed by demons, Ha-Shem's punishment for Falling. I don't know how to get them out of me 'ead. Maybe they'll kill me before I have a chance to kill them.

Muse: Ace Kefford
Fandom: The Move RPF AU
Word Count: 337
Disclaimer: Complete work of fiction.

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theschizoidman: (Default)
Archangel Azriel // Ace Kefford

March 2014

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